The Spy Shack

Wilderness Survival Filters

2009-07-30T02:59:00.000-07:00

Oh no! You killed the (evil clone) president, evaded his body guards, escaped into the forest...but now your gonna die from contaminants in the water? Lame way to go buddy.

If you get reincarnated or something get your hands on a water filter. Some of these little guys are great. A must have for any wilderness lover, camper, or the Storm Troopers from Return of the Jedi...you know the scout-ish ones from the Ewok planet who spend all their day in the woods. Endor! And I guess its a moon not a planet. Sorry.

Get your hands on one of these suckers and you'll be drinking fresh clean water till you can't stand it any more.

Check out more on survival water filters at The Filter Zone.

Parabolic Microphones

2008-12-17T15:57:00.001-08:00

Ever secretly followed you're co-worker during lunch? Duh, we all have! You use your impressive spy skills and tail him for a good 15 minutes. Just as you suspect once he gets to McDonald's he meets a mysterious man in a black suit--if it were a movie scary music would play the moment you see him. They start discussing something...probably planning to kill someone WAY important. But oh no! You can't hear a thing! Nice going buddy--now we'll need a whole new mayor! If only you had owned some kind of spy microphone...or even some kind of spy parabola. Or better yet the best of both worlds: a spy parabolic microphone! Get your hands on one of these fine state-of-the-art parabolic microphones and not only will you finally SUCCEED at saving the world, but no one'll ever talk bad about you from 300 feet away again.

Hidden Cameras

2008-12-16T15:35:00.000-08:00

Invisible Ink

2008-12-11T01:58:00.000-08:00

Sensitive information, secret messages, grocery lists: all things you want top secret. Your eyes only kind of stuff. Well unfortunately all your classified documents are all too readable. “Poppy-cock,” you say, “not me! I've safely stowed all that kind of stuff in my [fill in the blank: filing cabinet/safe/other easy to break into thing].” You poor naiive son of a gun. Any moron can go down to the breaking and entry aisle of Walmart, drop fifteen bucks on a lock picking kit and a copy of, “Stealing Secret Papers for Dummies” and WABLAMO he'll have his secret paper grubbing hands on those secret papers before you can say, “secret papers.”

Unless you want to guard those papers round the clock with some kind of anti paper thief device (a shotgun usually works pretty well) then I guess the whole world is going to know your social security number, your bank information, and which actor from Ocean's Eleven you have a secret but platonic (keep telling yourself that) crush on. Most people say Brad Pitt, but that Chinese guy can sure back-flip around. Anyway if you want that stuff on every blog this side of Google then go ahead stop reading...thats right just stop reading right now.

Well...hopefully you didn't REALLY stop reading because if you did you probably won't buy whatever it is I'm trying to ~~needlessly scare~~ kindly encourage you into buying. So just what is it you're supposed to be whipping out your credits cards right now for? Two important words: invisible ink pens. No thats only two words, invisible and ink were the only important words there...pens was just there because thats what happens to use the invisible ink...I mean you could like use your finger or a paintbrush instead of a pen and it all work out fine. Last time you'll question my important word counting skills.

How does it work you say? Why don't you quiet down and let me ask the questions here. You see us—as normal humans without cybernetic eyeballs—can only see light from wavelengths of 380 to 750 nm. Thats good enough right? Wrongo bongo buddy. There's an awful lot of stuff out there outside the visual spectrum: cloaked predators, invisible ink, and...maybe a person...like who took a bath in invisible ink. (WANRING: invisible ink not guaranteed to make you invisible) Invisible ink is entirely undetectable by the naked eye—only under ultraviolet light does it become visible.

Now I know what you must be thinking: isn't invisibility just some made up thing to make Harry Potter seem cooler? How dare you think that! That kid has been through a lot! And invisible ink is all too real. For all you know your walls are covered in the stuff right now. You could even have, “kick me” written on the back of all your shirts. That would explain all the kicks from all those guys with the UV lights wouldn't it?

So since it is real get your hands on some ASAP...well not really cause then you wouldn't be able to see your hands...or at least the ink on your hands. The point is writing with normal ink is old-fashioned, dangerous, and just not very cool nowadays. Write with invisible ink and you'll finally have some privacy and peace of mind. Your secrets will stay secret—unless of course somebody else buys a UV light from this site, in which case they'll know everything. But I'm pretty sure all the bad guys don't know about this site yet, so you're safe.

Review: Spy Lens

2008-12-08T21:48:00.001-08:00

You will probably want to sit down...I mean you probably already are but...just stay sitting.

Stupid people. You know the ones. You ask with great cordiality, “hey hold still for a second, let me take your picture!” For no logical reason the next 3 minutes are suddenly filled with some kind of argument about how whether or not someone's hair looks combed enough to be photographed. “No...its ok...not now, maybe latter,” they will usually assure you, but rarely will that picture taking moment ever seem to come. The best you can do is surprise them—jumping from behind a bush and snapping a blury picture of them just starting to yell at you.

Who wouldn't want their picture taken? I mean come on, what do you have to hide? Likely lots of stuff if you're such a camera-phobic pyscho. These anti-camera-ers can't be trusted. If anything, someone who doesn't want you taking their picture needs at least 3 or 4 times the normal amount of pictures taken of them—you gotta keep an eye on just what their unphotagraphed selves are up to.

Until now this has been a problem without a solution, a joke without a punchline, a riddle with out a...uhhh...riddle-answer. But now (this is the part you needed to stay sitting for-so that you don't like fall over from surprise and wonderment) all our prayers have been answered with: a super secret spy camera lens!

Made by some random Japanese company, the secret spy camera lens lets you photograph someone (or something—thats right Wall-e, you ain't safe neither) beside you, above you, below you—all the while APPEARING to just be shooting straight. Hook this mother onto the end of your zoom lens and pretty soon you'll have a LOT of jpegs of all those annoying unphotagraphable people.

This lens is a vital piece of spy equipment—check one out at gadget lab.

Secret Safes

2008-12-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Need a place for all that incriminating evidence? No spy's spy arsenal is complete with a couple safes that don't really look like safes. Next time the FBI searches your place they'll just find all the stuff they already knew about.

Night Vision Goggles

2008-12-05T14:28:00.000-08:00

Ever been chased by a pack of hungry velociraptors on a secret dinosaur island in the middle of the night? You have your assault rifle loaded and your anti-dino grenades all ready to go. You stop to catch your breath when all of a sudden to your great surprise a giant toe claw slices open your belly and all your insides go all pouring out. What a mess. And it all could have been prevented if you could just see in the dark.

Espionage

2008-12-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

Espionage. Its the secret to any civilization's success. The Greeks, the Romans, the ancient Egyptians—they all got ahead because of their ability to be really really sneaky. Japan has ninjas, England has James Bond...I'm sure even Canada has somebody...

The truth of the matter is without an advantage in the world of espionage any other advantage will quickly fade away. And I'm not just talking about countries or top secret super hero regulating companies, you (thats right YOU) are probably in just as much need of high tech spy gear as the CIA is.

Don't believe me...ok thats fine I guess. But leme ask you this: how many people are in your house RIGHT NOW? Oh really, are you sure about that? How sure? For all you know there could be a whole SWAT team of bad guys in your kitchen just waiting to finish you off! Now I don't want to sound paranoid, but without night vision goggles or an electronic listening device do you really expect to survive in a world packed full of bad guys listening to your cell phone calls, following you to work, and trying to replace you with a clone of yourself. Hopefully your kids'll know the difference, but based on the movies I've seen they probably won't.

So hopefully you've now finally grasped the alarming reality you've been living in all along. Do the responsible thing and get your spy gear craving hands on all spy watches, secret spy pens, and cool looking spy sunglasses you can find. It might help to freshen up your kung fu skills too.